The Evolution of Desire

When Nelson Wong saw the tall, hot athletic boy across the dance floor, his reaction was straight-up primal.

“When I first encountered Cole,” recalls Wong, “I was swept up with this amazingly sexy boy I saw, struck by his eyes, his lips and his build. I was so attracted to him.”

That description of boy-on-boy desire has been written and rewritten millions of times, but this particular chemistry defied the traditional fag-traction model.

As Cole Dodsley remembers it, after seeing Wong at repeated club nights, their desire turned physical.

“We would make out upstairs,” remembers Dodsley, “and when you make out with a person your hands roam, right? I hadn’t had [breast removal] surgery yet and I knew that he could feel the binder on my back and knew that he was noticing something, so this is where I’m saying, ‘He needs to know,’ and ‘Oh shit if I tell him, will he hate me, will he not wanna make out with me, is he totally going to be grossed out and freaked out?’”

In fact, Dodsley (a transgendered man who identified as a lesbian before transitioning) and Wong (a gay man) discovered their desires were growing and made the decision to evolve along with them.

Wong wrote about the experience for Gayze magazine: “I pulled down his black jockeys to reveal a neatly trimmed mound of dark hair and warm tissue. At 28, this was my first time with a female-bodied person and I was nervous. I worried that I would be repulsed or stifled by the sight of it. Seeing him naked, however, was a total turn-on.

“Seeing his soft sensitive tissue exposed made me incredibly horny. I leaned him back on a log and licked and sucked him. It was warm, wet and heaven.”

Since that experience four years ago, Wong says his own attraction options have widened.

“My experience with Cole was fantastic and I am so happy it happened. It definitely broadened the spectrum of people that I can engage with to find intimacy. It sounds cheesy, but it has opened up my world. I don’t have to look solely to 10 percent of the population -that is gay and bio-male -to explore what turns me on.”

While Wong’s journey was a positive one, he admits he was shocked and disheartened by some of the judgments coming from his community.

“I definitely knew that some of my gay friends felt revulsion. Lots of comments dealing with female genitalia, that sort of thing.

“I have friends who don’t believe in transsexualism; they don’t accept it,” he continues. “Some of them don’t believe that trans issues should be lumped together with queer issues. They believe that it is social- and self-hatred issues rather than their gender identity. It is difficult to respond to that. ”

In a lot of ways, the simple existence of transgendered people in the gay community throws many gay comfort zones right out the figurative window.

After years of fighting for the right to exist, of coming out to family and friends and in many cases being ostracized for being attracted to people of the same sex, many gays and lesbians feel deeply attached to their hard-won labels.

Wong reveals that beyond the external pressures and chastisements from his gay male friends, his newly identified desire caused him some stress internally as well, specifically regarding his identity as an out and proud gay man.

“There was definitely a voice inside my head that alerted me to the fact that I had fought so hard to be a gay male, to create this identity and this strength of character despite this mainstream, heterosexual world and the expectations of my parents. There was a voice inside of me that worried that I was betraying some of that.”

Transgendered porn star Buck Angel -who bills himself as “the man with a pussy” -makes a lucrative living selling and starring in adult DVDs (Buckback Mountain, Buck Off) and streaming videos.

The demographics of his audience offer some surprising insight regarding gay and lesbian desires.

“Eighty percent of my customer base is gay men. Twenty percent is female -bisexual, straight and gay,” explains Angel.

“I get a lot of gay men writing me letters about how they are so turned on by me and they can’t believe it and what does that make them, are they now straight? My vagina freaks people out, especially gay men,” he says.

“They are attracted to me as a person but because I have a vagina, it just totally throws them for a loop, they can’t wrap their head around it.”

Angel says he has seen and heard many horror stories about the treatment of trans folks by gays and lesbians. “Twenty years ago, I identified as a dyke. When I started transitioning, the dyke community ostracized me; every single one of my friends wanted nothing to do with me. There was no knowledge about what was going on then.

“Funnily enough, a lot of people have called me since then, asking me how they go about transitioning now.”

If trans people are challenging many gays’ and lesbians’ notions of desire, so too are they often broadening their own scope of attraction.

For many trans people who identified as gay or lesbian before transitioning, it wasn’t just their bodies that evolved upon transition; they discovered their desires were shifting as well.

Dr. Christopher Shelley is a professor at the University of British Columbia and author of the book Transpeople: Repudiation, Trauma, Healing.

He thinks the evolution in desire experienced by many trans people is the result of feeling freer in other aspects of their lives.

“When people start to become -to grow and let themselves be -they can let down all kinds of defenses and open themselves up to new experiences and attractions,” he says.

“Once you are, for the first time in your life, comfortable in the body that you should be in, new doors can open for you. There’s a lot of trans people who never had orgasms, who never let themselves go or be sexually. They couldn’t even touch themselves because they were wrongly bodied. Once they are rightly bodied, they are simply more honest and more comfortable with themselves and with others,” he explains.

“Trans people teach us about the complexities of life and that it isn’t just the easy categories of straight, gay, lesbian, heterosexual, homosexual,” Shelley says. “In many ways, I think that trans folks challenge all of our categorical assumptions. That makes them a very potent group of teachers.”

Dodsley is no stranger to Shelley’s theory of shifting desires.

“Almost all the trans men in my life are more attracted to men than they were before they transitioned. That’s not to say they aren’t attracted to women anymore, they totally are, but almost all of them are attracted to men,” he says.

“I now realize that I’ve always been attracted to men but previously thought, ‘Oh I am attracted to men because I wanna be one. Then I realized that it wasn’t that -it was that I was attracted to them!

Before transitioning, Dodsley identified as a lesbian. Now, he says, his relationship is “anything but heterosexual.”

“I don’t think that many people on the street would see us as heterosexual because my partner has her own masculine features as well,” he explains. “We still don’t look like a heterosexual couple and I think that keeps me pretty queer too. She’s queer and I’m queer.

“If everybody likes everybody, I’m happy. We should all feel free to love whoever we want to in terms of gender,” he adds.

Roz Shakespeare was the first openly transsexual police office in the Vancouver Police Department. She sees the evolution of trans desire this way: “In the beginning, we’re presenting a body that we don’t feel comfortable in. It’s not that we don’t belong there, it’s that we were pushed there. You’re not free to be engaged fully; you’re always holding a part of a veil there so nobody can see beyond that.

“As we come out and can be who we are fully, that canvas is blank, usually at an age where we’re now a little more comfortable exploring who that is and feeling safe,” she explains.

Most of the people interviewed for this story believe there is a significant difference in terms of how the gay community responds to trans men and women.

While trans men by no means have it easy when it comes to flirting, dating and even friendship within the gay community, they seem to have it easier than most trans women.

“I think it hearkens back to feminist theory -what is strong and what is weak,” says videographer and trans man Erek Tymchak.

“If you look in the gay men’s community, there is a hierarchy, isn’t there? Butch men are top of the pile; then, the young good-looking guys that can pass as possibly straight and then it goes down from there,” he says. “The effeminate men are always near the bottom. Drag queens are somewhere down there, and god forbid you want to be a woman.”

“The queer community as a whole has phobias against femininity, especially when it is expressed by male-bodied individuals, regardless of their gender identity,” agrees Gwen Haworth, producer and star of the award-winning documentary She’s a Boy I Knew (a film about her own transition and her family’s response to it).

“Whether it is an effeminate gay man or a trans women, femininity is undervalued in society,” Haworth continues.

“When trans women begin that journey, I think that their sexual power in society gets diminished. It is like watching Jack on Will and Grace, or the cast of Priscilla Queen of the Desert; they become these farcical characters. There’s a lot of other reasons behind it I think, but society’s devaluing the feminine is a major part of that.”

Shannon Summers finds it disheartening that “trans women are invisible to gay men.”

“We can go to gay bars and we are accepted there,” she says, “but it is not just that gay men don’t hit on trans women, gay men don’t pay any attention to trans women.

“They don’t talk to us, we don’t interact at all. Gay men want men who look like men and when they see a trans woman, they see a female and if we’re not a drag queen -if we’re not making fun of the gender and the genre -then we’re not on their radar.”

Tymchak says his transitioning wasn’t very well received, either, within the gay community. “I can tell you about numerous comments that people made before I transitioned, which halted my own transition,” he says.

“It is ironic that they have fought so hard and yet are being so ruthless towards another,” he adds, referring to the gay community.

That said, Tymchak believes that evolution is inevitable. Trans people have a lot in common with gays and lesbians, he says. “This is just another way for traditional gay and lesbian people to be challenged.

“It is funny to think that gay and lesbian people amongst us are conservative, but they are!” he continues. “They need to open their hearts and minds to us, just as they’ve asked the rest of the world to do for themselves. Realize the activism is not over.”

Haworth is optimistic about the future of the queer community and its openness to gender and sexual fluidity when she looks to the generations younger than her.

“Queer folks in their 20s are a lot more comfortable with gender fluidity,” she says. “As someone in my mid-30s, I’m learning from that.”

But, she says, queer desire won’t truly evolve until gays and lesbians address the transphobia that still shapes many of their responses to trans people.

“The LGBT community has to really bring this to the table and re-think where their hearts are,” she says.

“We as trans folks have to re-approach how we are going to connect with the queer community because there is this divide that is happening right now,” she continues. “Sometimes I think it has to do with the difference between proactive or preemptive politics and reactive politics. That is detrimental to us all. Let’s take down our guard and talk to each other, learn about each other, see where our similarities are and grow together. I think that is the next glass ceiling.”

As for Shelley, he hopes the future of queer love will be more focused on desire and chemistry than on conventional understandings of gender and same-sex attraction.

“If we have any impact at all, in the future it will be that queer people will be more queer, that people could be able to appreciate the complexities of human sexuality and gender,” he says.

“Rather than being fixed in the body of one thing only, and strive to be one thing only for the whole of one’s life, maybe we’ll be -to quote Bette Davis -much more ‘this and that.’”

Denise Sheppard (scribe at shaw dot ca) is a self-employed journalist/editor who likes long walks, candlelit dinners and writing for U.S. and Canadian national mags and websites. Her fave topics are human rights-related pieces and entertainment journalism.

From Glam to Gritty - Itty Bitty Titty Committee

A movie named Itty Bitty Titty Committee can certainly bring intrigue on its own, but knowing that the film comes from the mind and hands of Jamie Babbit - director of the hilariously campy queer classic But I’m A Cheerleader (a tongue-in-cheek look at organizations designed to turn people straight) - makes Itty Bitty one of the most anticipated queer films in quite some time. Babbit appreciates the enthusiasm, but cautiously notes that that upon release, Cheerleader’s reviews were all over the map. “I got an F in Entertainment Weekly and a really bad review in Variety, but those things didn’t stop me…I just did my thing. I’ve never really known if people are interested or not, but the blessing is that I don’t really believe the hype negatively. I’m just glad that the movie has been a bigger hit as time has gone on.”

Cheerleader did bring Babbit positive attention in the industry, allowing her the opportunity to make a second feature (The Quiet), garner an agent and direct episodes of everything from Ugly Betty to The L Word. Throughout that period, Babbit never forgot how deeply inspired she had been by the Riot Grrrl scene in the mid-90’s, a movement that celebrated and cultivated feminism through music and self-published fanzines; she had long wanted to document the excitement of that time through film. “I was in my early 20’s when I was going to Bikini Kill shows and was totally inspired. I was newly out and loved going to shows, I had listened to punk music in high school but it was such a guy scene. It was so revolutionary to be able to go to a punk show slamdancing; I loved the music, loved the scene and always wanted to make a movie about that experience; I lived it and so many other people did.”

Enter Itty Bitty Titty Committee; the film’s main storyline involves Anna, a plain jane working in a plastic surgeon’s office, feeling the pressure to change her body. She meets Sadie one night outside her clinic, catching Sadie graffiti-ing the business’ walls. Befriending the radical, sexy founder of a group called the CIA (Clits In Action) Anna falls headfirst into Sadie’s leftist, anarchist world with the enthusiasm of a born-again shit disturber. The film includes a host of queer celeb actors (from The L Word’s Daniela Sea to supermodel Jenny Shimizu to Go Fish’s Guinevere Turner) but ultimately is dark and gritty, homemade-style like a Super 8 movie, a complete 180 from Cheerleader’s neon bright colours and scripted perkiness. Babbit admits that the end result is exactly fully intentional. “My whole inspiration for Cheerleader was Barbie; I gave the production designer my Barbie dream house and said that I wanted it to look like the dream house and wanted the costumes to look like Barbie clothes. For Itty Bitty, my inspiration was the lo-fi cover art for all the Riot Grrrl bands on their seven inches and stuff.”

As a result, the film seeks out to be rebellious at every turn, feeling low-budget and featuring long diatribes on everything from plastic surgery to creating a grrrl-style revolution. Babbit admits that there has been some negative feedback regarding the underground feel, but is unhesitant and unapologetic about the dramatic change from her debut. “When I made Cheerleader, the big movie was Go Fish which was super gritty. I was a freak for making a pretty movie and I got in shit for it. Now, everyone is making glossy films and are saying to me ‘why didn’t you make a pretty movie?’ Truth is, there’s something fun about doing something really gritty.”

For more information on the film including cast bios, screening dates and to view the trailer, visit Itty Bitty’s Myspace page or the official Itty Bitty Titty Committee website.

Written by Denise Sheppard

Denise Sheppard (scribe at shaw dot ca) is a self-employed journalist/editor who likes long walks, candlelit dinners and writing for U.S and Canadian national mags and websites. Her fave topics are human rights-related pieces and entertainment journalism.

‘She’s A Boy I Knew’ wins praise

At the age when small children are thinking about their first day of school and how to ride a bike, Gwen Haworth (who was at the time a young boy named Steven) knew — even in her childlike state — that her gender identity was awry. Even at that oft-innocent age, her instincts were to keep those desires secret from everyone, something she kept to herself for more than two decades. “I’ve been aware of this since I was four,” admits Haworth. “That meant 23 years of keeping this secret hidden, 23 years of self-hate and internalized transphobia.” The frustration in her words are palpable, but the softness in her spirit resonates peace above and beyond all other emotions. Know this: this is no queer tragedy. In fact, Gwen Haworth’s story is inspiring and worth celebrating, one which comes complete with a happy ending. The ‘ending’ however is really just another beginning, coming in the form of a touching film entitled “She’s A Boy I Knew - Gwen’s d.i.y. feature transgender documentary.” Haworth’s first- and second-person account of her evolutionary journey pre - and post–transition is something that should be required viewing in every school, at every PFLAG meeting, heck, at every prenatal class out there. Haworth - now an East Vancouver-based dyke filmmaker - takes on a host of brave topics in front of the camera, asking difficult questions not just of herself, but also her parents, her siblings, her ex-wife (whom she married while identifying a man) and her dearest friends. The candor and bravery of her family results in both touching and deeply honest vignettes that will resonate in the minds of all who watch it.

After witnessing Haworth’s documentary, celebrated Canadian director Anne Wheeler - of Better Than Chocolate and Bye Bye Blues fame - had many words of praise about Gwen’s film, including “The fact that you made this journey, and documented it ‘enroute’ amazes me. It is a genius piece of exploration and a tribute to love enduring beyond question.” Haworth admits to being extremely excited by such words, but states that she is still in the middle of her mission, a desire to finally see a loving, non-disparaging full-length documentary film about trans folk appear on the big screen. That moment happened when She’s A Boy I Knew debuted at the Vancouver International Film Festival on October 4th.

As Haworth tells it, being trapped in the wrong body was incredibly difficult, but having no access to stories of successful transitions - either on film or in books - meant that the process of transitioning was far more difficult and confusing for her and her family than it needed to be. “When I came out, people important to me didn’t really know what it meant to be a transsexual. There were a lot of things to learn, yet there wasn’t anything out there to watch that we were aware of. There wasn’t anything that showed a family experience, to see other people like them going through the difficult questions but still being able to be there for each other through hard times. The suicide rate in the trans community is really high, and a large part of that is through isolation and depression because of not having those people to fall back on. I hope that by showing my family’s experience, that would give other people something to dialogue from.” Gwen’s raw documentation of the emotions around her are incredibly brave, but some of the most painful truths to many trans women are tough to document, but still very real. “We as trans women go through a lot of self hate. One of the things that a lot of trans women are struggling with is wanting to just blend in and forget all about it, not have to deal with all that inner crap that we are going through. In years gone by, especially in rural areas, if you were transitioning, it was often suggested that part of you succeeding at this was throwing away your past life. Throwing away your photos, going out and starting a new life in a new town, cutting off from everybody, which is so isolating. With trans women, if it is you in a crowd, that is fine, but if there’s a few of you together, others may pick up on it. That can become a safety issue really quickly. So I think there is a fear of being part of a visibly queer community. What I see in the trans community is extremely disproportionate; I see a lot of trans guys, that are good friends of mine who have a community base. I think that trans women are more invisible.”

As a result, the award-winning filmmaker decided to make She’s A Boy I Knew her thesis project while finishing up her MFA at the University of British Columbia. The timing - begging filming mere months after her fourth surgery and legally-official transition from male to female - was a conscious decision on her part. “If I had made it five years later, people would have forgotten a lot more, pain would have felt more distant, it wouldn’t have been truthful to the emotion of that time. I really wanted this film to be that resource tool that wasn’t there for any of us, and they understood that.” As a result of her determination, Haworth has succeeded on her mandate in spades; the film is a moving, oftentimes humorous and deeply brave documentation of her and her family’s evolution through Gwen’s transition. Watching it, however, reminds her both of the good and the tough moments through her transition. “I’m gifted with a bad memory,” she laughs. “I forget a lot of the pain that I was going through beforehand and definitely through that process; I knew I was experiencing it and it was pretty intense at times, but I don’t live with it now that I’ve been able to get past it all. I went through situational depression for about two years; I couldn’t see three feet in front of me. I didn’t know what was up in terms of my life outside of transitioning. My longterm relationship had just broken up, I was unemployed for one of the first times in my life since high school, I just felt like nothing was moving forward for me and I just had to focus on this transition and getting through it. It all amounted to a great deal of crying, fatigue and being unable to get out of bed. When I revisit it, it floods back and it is heavy, and I realize that it is so important to see these positive, uplifting images.”

Haworth’s film has been incredibly warmly embraced by the Canadian film community; after its debut at the Vancouver International Film Festival, fans and filmmakers alike praised her efforts, winning the People’s Choice Award for Most Popular Canadian Film and also winning the Women in Film & Television Vancouver Artistic Merit Award, the first time that award has been given to a transsexual women. Haworth continues to work hard moving forward with the aim of getting it seen at every film festival and in every movie house interested in showing her work…but she is definitely taking pause to appreciate everything as it is unfolding. “So much of my life has been about this moment,” she declares, clearly moved. “All the hiding, the fear, the feeling that people wouldn’t accept me. I cried so much making this film, I gushed buckets and buckets. I’ve learned to love and appreciate these people so much more from hearing their words and learning more about them in the process.”

For more information on the film and to view the trailer, please visit the She’s A Boy I Knew official website.

Written by Denise Sheppard

Denise Sheppard (scribe at shaw dot ca) is a self-employed journalist/editor who likes long walks, candlelit dinners and writing for U.S and Canadian national mags and websites. Her fave topics are human rights-related pieces and entertainment journalism.

Trans-gressions

Back in November when I was listless and unemployed, I had the audacity to ask the folks at the Reeling Queer International Film Festival to give me free, advanced copies of all the films I wanted to see (and review). To my surprise, they said yes, and soon I was loaded down with armfuls of films (in reusable, environmentally-friendly canvas bags, of course). The best documentary film of the fest was Sam Feder’s and Julie Hollar’s Boy I Am, which provides a critical and challenging look at contemporary trans issues told through the narratives of three transitioning transmen: Norie, Nicco and Keegan. Their insights, triumphs and hardships are punctuated by interviews with gender theorists, lawyers, and activists who attempt to clarify and complicate issues surrounding trans identity within the broader queer community and the world at large. The heart of the documentary is the voices from the transmen themselves, who come from racially and economically diverse backgrounds and who beautifully dispel the notions of trans identity as a “cop out” or as an appropriation of male privilege by rejecting feminism and butch lesbianism.

Such notable names as Mike De Luca (producer of Magnolia, Boogie Nights, Life as a House, Blow and Hedwig and the Angry Inch amongst others) have taken notice of Boy I Am. De Luca said of the film: “Boy I Am does justice in its exposure of the tragic double standard gender modification is held to in America. I am reminded of the very brave scene in All About My Mother where Agrado (Antonia San Juan) describes to an audience each and every procedure she had to become the woman she is today. As technology catches up to identity, still there are hypocritical collagen sneers. Perhaps, in their ignorant heart of hearts, they are jealous in their inability to be who they are. Men like Norie, Keegan, and Nicco deserve better.”

I was lucky enough to sit down with Sam Feder at a Chicago cafe on a recent faux spring day in April to discuss the film and some of the necessary and complex issues it inspires.

Q: What kind of reception has Boy I Am received, from the trans community specifically, because one of the major criticisms I’ve read comes from non-trans people talking about/speaking for trans people. You certainly give a voice to the three FTMs in your documentary, but what are your thoughts on tackling issues that directly and physically pertain to experiences that you haven’t lived?

SF: Some trans folks have thanked us -one trans youth asked for a copy to show to their parents before they came out to them-others feel frustrated by the discussion being presented. Ultimately, we expect a variety of reactions and are more than eager to hear them. We made this to promote dialogue. In respect to non-trans folks making a documentary about transfolks, Julie and I made a documentary that turned the mirror within our community; we discussed an issue within and about our own community - the dyke community. We have not taken an isolated event and presented it as outsiders. We are extremely invested in the issues we explore for social, political and personal reasons. As two gender variant people, a lot of these issues permeate into our lives. And, every aspect of the films comes from our stories.

Q: It’s interesting that all three of the guys you chronicled decided to go on T (testosterone therapy) and get top surgery. Do you think there is now pressure for FTMs to conform to the chemically/surgically altered body? Is there a cultural ideal that trans people feel pressure to uphold?

SF: Yes…I think pressure exists. As, Keegan states, there is policing within the community. He expressed there was pressure on how to be and how not to be a transman. As a non-transperson I can’t speak about personal pressure. The community I am part of has come a long way from the narrow definitions of what it once meant to be a transman. And that’s something I see celebrated and encouraged. As for all three undergoing hormones and surgery, we aimed to document a variety of trans masculinity, and worked with the guys accordingly, but this changed over time and the film ended with them all being on hormones and having surgery-we weren’t looking to portray that form of masculinity solely. And, the film is by no means suggesting that hormones and surgery are the end all for a transman. That was just their stories.

Q: Boy I Am does a really good job of bridging the theoretical aspects of identity with the lived experiences of those who are theorized. What role/relevance do you think theory plays in these discussions of gender and identity?

SF: The relationship between theory and practice is tricky to follow and work with. Ideally, theory needs to be more respectful, should reflect what’s going on in the subject being theorized, question what’s going on, and inspire dialogue. Theory is risky when it starts establishing norms and predicting what those norms should be. I do think theory is helpful in the sense that it gives us a vocabulary - a jumping off point. However, I think theory itself needs to be theorized more, that theorists need to take more responsibility for the role they play in people’s actual lives and not be so removed from it. I’ve heard some gender theorists express shock and offense when they hear the community critiquing them or even devaluing their work. I would think that would be an inherent expectation for a theorist and encouraged. Additionally, for many people’s practice, i.e. their lives, theory surrounding isn’t accessible and/or has no cause and effect relationship for them.

Q: I wanted to talk a bit about binaries and choice. Because binaries are almost always hierarchical-white is better than black, straight is better than gay, etc.- transgenderism has the potential to invalidate those either/or politics, which is one of the reasons why I think it’s perceived as so threatening. It’s the whole “you’re either with us or against us” mentality. How then do we respect choice (the choice to live as male in a patriarchal society, for instance) without destroying political foundations, alliances, and laws for our “protection”?

SF: I don’t see how respecting choice lends itself to destroying political foundations, alliances, and laws for our “protection”. Not respecting choice is policing within. How can we knowingly do that? Not supporting choice is the antithesis of feminism. Remember, “My Body, My Choice”?

Q: Another thing I loved about your film was the dialogue from girlfriends of FTMs. You don’t often hear about the odd reality of lesbians suddenly being read as straight and the implications of that identity/sexuality shift. How does a lesbian reconcile her sexuality without undermining her trans partner’s male identity?

SF: I think this is an important topic, and a touchy topic as well, for people because sometimes partners of trans people are seen as accessories-their sexual identity changes based on who they’re with. Speaking from personal experience, why should I have to give up my political identity or sexual identity based on who I’m sleeping with? On the adverse, how do we maintain our sexual identity when it’s inherently defined by the other person involved. Kate Bornstein has begun discussing an idea of moving self identity away from being defined by who we are with and turned back to how we see ourselves. I see myself as a queer dyke regardless of who I am dating be it a fag, femme, butch, transperson, transman or transwoman and so on…

Q: Do you watch The L Word? If so, I wanted to get your thoughts on Max, the trans character. Do you feel that there are elements of tokenization and/or unrealistically negative portrayals of trans issues on the show, like taking testosterone, etc?

SF: I have seen it enough to have an opinion about it. I was turned off by Max’s character because he was way too one-dimensional. A perfect example of how the mainstream media can be irresponsible when addressing these kinds of nuanced issues. I heard of young folks who feared if they transitioned they might become like Max. I’m glad they have included a transmale character (though I do wish there was more inclusion of dykes and butches) because I know it has started dialogue that wasn’t there before. However, in my opinion, it’s pretty transparent what the agenda in presenting Max was and that’s not an agenda I support.

Q: Trans issues are further complicated by the medical component. Whereas homosexuality was removed from the DSM list of pathologies in the 70s, transsexuality remains firmly controlled by medical and psychological technologies. To what extent does trans identity become inhibited by the medical aspects of body categorization, gender dysphoria, etc.?

SF: The medical community still dictates what a trans person is. Because of this, people have learned to tell doctors what they want to hear regardless of its relevance to their lives. And, essentially this just reinforces the medical component. As long as there’s a medical format, trans people can never have complete ownership of their bodies. As long as doctors continue to have this much control, transpeople will be denied a very serious human right. As a friend said the other night at a Q&A, “Why do transmen need a doctor’s note when you can get a shot of botox on a whim without a note saying, “you’re crazy”—which, maybe they should.”

Q: What are you working on now?

SF: I’m in post-production on a short narrative called “F. Scott Fitzgerald Slept Here” with my partner Jules Rosskam. And I received a research fellowship from Columbia College’s The Institute for the Study of Women and Gender in the Arts and Media to work on a feature length doc. That explores feminism. That narrows it down, no?

Check out www.boyiam.mayfirst.org for the latest news regarding the film, dates of upcoming screenings and for additional resources concerning trans issues. While you’re at the site, check out the Boy I Am blog, where the issues raised by the film continue to be discussed.

Written by Anna Pulley

Anna is a post-Creative Writing major and validation junky. In addition to Queerky, she also writes for dykediva.com, centerstagechicago.com and does film reviews for theaspectratio.net. She uses quotation marks unnecessarily and spends entirely too much time justifying the artistic merit of limericks. You can contact her at banannarama01@yahoo.com

The Many Passions of Danielle Egnew

To explain the myriad of places that Danielle Egnew puts her energy is nearly surreal: her professional titles include singer/songwriter (both independently and as frontwoman for the currently-on-hiatus Pope Jane), actor, producer, radio show co-host, clairvoyant and ordained minister! If that isn’t enough, her musical contributions are equally diverse, writing songs both for herself and others, creating a line of meditation CDs and penning soundtracks and scores for films.

Egnew admits that these talents and tendencies have been in her life since her earliest of days. “When I was born, my parents called me ‘Super Baby,’ she laughs. “It’s painted on the back of my baby drawers. I thought it was some sort of cutesy ‘oh-isn’t-my-kid-the-best’ kind of parent thing, but my mom told me the nickname was literal, saying I came out of the womb with incredible physical strength, a laser focus, and an unshakable sense of self. I don’t believe in limitations,” she smiles, “and apparently, I never have!” Much like the present day, Egnew admits to having trouble narrowing down career desires even as a young child. “When I was really little, I wanted to be an astronaut, and then a veterinarian, but I set my sights on entertainment, because I loved acting, singing, writing, or anything that had to do with being a performer. I’ve even done stand-up and sketch comedy with a troupe, which I loved, and wrote for them as well. The acting came first — I had two different full-ride scholarships for theater from two different universities. I actually wanted to be a film actress, which was an abomination to my fellow stage actors!” Egnew’s college and theatrical journey was sidelined after receiving a record deal in Seattle in the early nineties, she explains, “so I was on the music track for years with Pope Jane, then I got into TV and soundtrack composition, got a radio show, and a screenplay optioned. Eight years into music I got asked to be in the movie Changing Spots — so here I am, full circle, being a film actress, which is what I wanted to do in the first place!”

Changing Spots is a love-and-life story about two queer women - one, a former child star, the other a former rock star — and the way that each of their pasts intersects with their present-day realities. The movie is slated for release in May. Egnew confesses that she loved the opportunity of being able to challenge herself by acting in such a weighty role. “Changing Spots is extreme drama, and my character Peg is riddled with obstacles, from crushing physical problems to horrible career failures to wrenching emotional difficulties. You know — a day in the life of a typical lesbian! This type of character is like a fabulous all-you-can-eat-five-star-buffet for an actor, and I ate a LOT of Peg!”

Her involvement with the film came in many forms, from producer to actor to composing the film score and soundtrack, and she admits when asked that she couldn’t possibly choose a favorite task. “This is a really tough one to call for me, because I LOVE all the aspects of acting, composing, and the behind-the-scenes strategizing of being a producer on this project — but I would have to say that for Changing Spots specifically, my favorite part has definitely been the acting. It’s the most artistic, and the most organic. Composing the score is creative, but it’s a lot more structured.”

Fans of Egnew’s music will be thrilled to note that not only is she playing a musician in the film, her melodies can be found throughout. In fact, writer/director Susan Turley - when becoming aware of Egnew’s interest in the project — changed the script to make it more Danielle-like. “Peg’s character was re-written by Susan to be a former rock star, in order to incorporate my pop music. The soundtrack is comprised of my music, in different forms, and since I have done so many different types of music, from the pop and roots of Pope Jane to my own more acoustic tunes, there is a really varied emotional and tonal character in the soundtrack! Not to mention, I am also composing the orchestral score, and that is an entirely invisible character that truly shapes the feel of the film.”

On a personal note, the multi-talented Egnew admits that she is only partway through her creative journey and has a deep desire to dive into other interests on a professional level. “There is still so much more I want to do — I still want to finish my novels I’ve started, and get my film production company up and running to produce my own screenplay, Imogene’s Waltz. As soon as I can find more hours in the day, I’ll get right on those!” Life isn’t all blood, sweat and tears, however: she admits to enjoying her downtime, and one of the ways that she likes to relax is to spend time on the ‘Net, including Queerky.com. “I absolutely LOVE Queerky! What a hysterical and rejuvenating pit-stop on this long road trip called my life! It’s an honor to be included with you guys!” She also admits that she finds herself drawn to nature to slow her own pace down when the world moves too fast. “I’m wired to pick up teeny little variances in the ethers, and these vibes can really cramp my style. I have a host of things I do to balance that out, from running to the ocean, which sucks up a lot of contrary energies, to teas, to walking or composing meditation music. But sometimes it just knocks me flat on my butt, and I just deal with it with the least amount of drama until it passes.”

Egnew’s future contains everything from working on her next CD — an adult alternative disc entitled Red Lodge — to fronting a new musical group entitled Junkie Cousin, whose first release, entitled JC Superstar, is expected this summer. Additionally, a reality television program showcasing her clairvoyant abilities is in the works. She also enjoys spending time as a rotating co-host on talk/music radio show “The Music Highway with Sheena Metal” hosted by her girlfriend, former Howard Stern on-air sidekick Jenny Sherwin. Egnew admits that, however, that all things to do with art, life and love are most appealing and rewarding to her when they come with queer nuances. “I have to be honest and say that I am more drawn to projects that reflect my sexuality, especially if they have a romantic storyline. It’s refreshing and exciting for me to see intelligent stories involving two women, mostly because there is such a lack of them. I’m not saying that I won’t do non-gay projects — I do a ton of projects that have nothing to do with sexuality, especially in music. But overall, I do feel drawn to contribute to the art in our community, and the message that the art, whether it is music, film, or stage, has the power to convey.”

For the latest Danielle updates, streaming audio, screensavers and more, head to www.danielleegnew.com.

Additional links:

Visit Danielle on Myspace

Check out her band Junkie Cousin

Learn more about the Clear Pictures film, Changing Spots

Written by Denise Sheppard and Darby Blue

Denise Sheppard (scribe at shaw dot ca) is a self-employed journalist/editor who likes long walks, candlelit dinners and writing for U.S and Canadian national mags and websites. Her fave topics are human rights-related pieces and entertainment journalism.